Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Fear of Failure



Fear of Failure


I like to think I am not much of a perfectionist. My house is not immaculate. I am not very organized. When I took a painting class once, the teacher said she liked my “impressionist” style. (I think she was just being nice because my paintings didn’t really look like anything.)

But when it comes to writing, I like to be perfect. The first draft is the hardest part for me, because it never comes out the way I’ve imagined it in my head. I spend the whole first draft fighting against the desire to throw the whole thing in the garbage.

And each time I get ready to query a new project, I think this time will be different. This time I’ll send out a perfect query and everyone will be lining up to read it. This time I won’t make any mistakes. Because, somehow deep inside I think if I make mistakes, I’ll never have success.

But that’s the thing. It’s not mistakes, but my fear of making mistakes holds me back. It has kept me from finishing one of my MG books (which I hope to amend this year). It kept me from even sending my second book out at all.

The truth is that making mistakes has helped me. Yes, I rewrote novel #3 four times, but it’s much stronger now, even if I never sell it. Getting novel #3 rejected helped me to see what was still wrong and needed to be fixed.

Now I’m starting to query #4. And I realized the only way I can manage the ups and downs of querying is to think about one thing: If I learn something, I haven’t failed.

I figure that although there are no guarantees in writing or publishing, except for one: if I keep writing and keep putting my work out there, I will learn.
And maybe I’ll get better.  

Please excuse the strange color on the formatting--I haven't figured out how to fix it yet.

27 comments:

  1. Only someone who never tries can never fail. =) I'm a fan of failure. Everyone successful person I know has failed and failed big at some point. It's part of the journey, eh? Here's to learning from our failures and becoming the very best we can!

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    1. Thanks, Crystal, for stopping by! That's so true. It's all part of the journey and adds to the great stories we have to tell. :)

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  3. Thanks for sharing insight into your journey! You offer a great perspective.

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    1. Thanks, Yvonne, for stopping by! I appreciate your kind words. :)

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  4. Failure so frightens me too, but I keep at this writing thing still. I think that if you don't fail, you'll never succeed. Make sense? Is anyone every successful right out of the gate?

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    1. What a good point, Marilyn. Sometimes it seems like people are successful overnight, but it's really not true. Most writers have stories about all the nos they had before the yes.

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  5. I've always loved that Edison quote. It's such a great attitude to have. Good luck with your current query - I'm glad to meet you through the IWSG!

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    1. Nice to meet you too, Julie! I loved that quote ever since I discovered it.

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  6. Great quote. I'll be querying very soon too and it terrifies me. I don't ever think I'm marketing my work right, but we have to try. Perseverance is the key. Good luck!

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    1. Christine, I'm so glad you stopped by. I feel your terror. I'm still not sure I was able to press send. Good luck to you on your querying! Let me know how it goes.

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  7. I love that quote! So true. And seriously, good for you for not giving up, and believing in yourself. I do believe that you'll get where you want to be :) And it takes a lot of courage to just keep going...which is what I'm trying to do, too!

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    1. Ah, thank you, Liz! Your words really touched me. Keep going...sometimes that's all you can do, right?

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  8. Welcome to my world! I am also a perfectionist and that first draft kills me. Plus I'm a slow writer, so you can only imagine how I creep along, trying to make everything perfect the first time.
    There's something to be said for just going for it, right?

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    1. Thanks, Alex, for the warm welcome! I am so enjoying IWSG. I'm glad to know I'm not the only writer who creeps along!

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  9. I'm so very relieved to hear someone else who gets frustrated mid first draft. I've made it to halfway but knowledge of the mess that's behind is making me hate the whole idea. Logically, I know I can save it. Emotionally, I want to throw it out!!! And you absolutely learn with every ms and query written, and if you get any feedback from agents, you learn from that too. Plus, I suggest entering contests, like Miss Snark's First Victim - Secret Agent. By reading comments on your entry, you'll find what's working and what's not. That helped me a lot. Good luck!

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    1. Lexa, it's so encouraging to hear I'm not the only one. I think mid-way is the hardest. After that I pick up momentum. Thanks for mentioning the Miss Snark's First Victim contest. I've done a couple of those and really learned a lot.

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  10. You need to go into your template and change the body colour from this brown to a lighter colour. I know, sounds easy.

    Jenni, I haven't met a writer yet who doesn't want their work to be perfect. Oh, no that's not true. I've met a few who write one draft and then refuse to change a word. Yikes.

    For my first novel, I wrote 22 drafts. My goal now is to slowly shrink that down to 3. I think it's impressive that you've already done that.

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    1. Thank you, Joylene, for your tips on the template! I'm still tinkering. Haven't gotten anything to work quite yet, but I so appreciate your help.
      I'm amazed at your 22 drafts. Wow! I am truly amazed. You are dedicated to editing your work. I think I would've given up sooner.
      Thank you for stopping by and offering your insights!

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  11. The fist draft comes easy to me, the editing and crap is the part I hate, ugg haha

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    1. You are lucky that the first draft comes easy. For me, it's the editing, where things start to take shape and look like a story, that I love.
      Thanks for stopping by, Pat!

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  12. First draft is also the hardest thing for me. Congrats for not giving up and the heart to keep trying. It's what matters in the end. Good luck with the new round of queries!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! Yes, I often wish I could skip the first draft and go to revisions. :)

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  13. Failure is a great teaching tool. It shows you that things can be done better. The trick is, not to let it get you down.

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    1. So true, Sherry. Usually it's in retrospect that I see that failure taught me something. It's hard to see it in the moment though.

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  14. Perfection is vastly overrated. Failure is merely part of the learning process. Real success is making perceived failure look good.

    Lee
    An A to Z Co-Host
    Tossing It Out

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