I was never too into sports as a kid. My first (and only)
foray into soccer at 9 wasn’t very successful: I was more interested in
counting daisies than paying attention to the ball.
But in high school, I found my sport: swimming. I didn’t
have to deal with a ball. I could be in the water. And I could compete with
myself.
My swim coach didn’t see it that way though. I’ll never
forget barely missing first place in a really long race (500 yards). As I
struggled to get out of the pool, he berated me.
“How could you not get first?”
Luckily, I had some swim buddies to cheer me up. I had gotten second, but I’d swam the fastest 500 of my life.
See, I didn’t really lose the race. I’d improved. I’d gotten
faster. No matter what my coach said.
It seems like the world (or the little doubts in my head)
are like my coach:
Why aren’t you published yet?
If you’re not, you’re not a real writer.
Or maybe if you are published:
Why didn’t you win that award?
Why haven’t you sold as many books as X? etc., etc.
I remember reading a blog post a year or two back where the
writer said that was her goal in querying was only to “get better.” If she only
got more requests than last time with each book, she felt like she’d succeeded.
That’s what I’m trying to keep in mind now.
Someone’s always going to be a faster or better writer or
get a book deal/agent sooner. Or perhaps someone will win an award or sell more
books or make more money.
But if I’ve done better than last time, I have succeeded.
So, yes, silly as it seems, I’m ecstatic that my rejections are “better” than
last time. I’m getting closer. I’m getting better.
Winning isn’t everything.
Insecure Writer's Support Group
Purpose: To share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds!
Posting: The first Wednesday of every month is officially Insecure Writer’s Support Group day. Post your thoughts on your own blog. Talk about your doubts and the fears you have conquered. Discuss your struggles and triumphs. Offer a word of encouragement for others who are struggling. Visit others in the group and connect with your fellow writer - aim for a dozen new people each time.
Let’s rock the neurotic writing world!
Our Twitter hashtag is #IWSG
For more posts in this blog hop: http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com
Our Twitter hashtag is #IWSG
For more posts in this blog hop: http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com
Excellent take on thing. Striving for improvement is the best measurement for achievement, in my opinion. I've always told people that my goal in life is to be the best darn Loni I could possibly be. So far, I'm succeeding.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
Loni
I love it! Being the best Loni is a great goal. :)
DeleteI agree! I'm an only child, so I've only ever really been competitive with myself. And self-improvement is so very important in writing--and it happens when you don't even realize it.
ReplyDeleteThat's great that you had that head start. I think I'm a competitive person by nature, so it's been a struggle for me. So true--about how we improve without even realizing it.
DeleteThis is great, Jenni! I love that idea. Keep improving because in the end, that is what really matters! What a great story about you and your swim coach and the lesson you learned years ago. Thanks for sharing it!
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome, Kristin. I was thinking of it recently and how it tied into writing.
DeleteNow that's a great attitude! (And your coach was mean.) In any venture, we should only compete with ourselves. Yes, coming in first is a great goal, but if we improve in the process, that's also a win.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the validation, Alex! I so agree--and I think as I haven't "won" anything yet, that's what I'm trying to focus on. :)
DeleteYou're taking a very enlightened view of the whole publishing race. I think I can learn from your attitude.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Samantha! I don't think of it that way, it's just my way of staying sane. :)
DeleteWriting isn't everything??
ReplyDeleteGreat post, and great advice - for everything in life, really.
Thanks, Tonja! Sometimes it seems like writing is everything, doesn't it?
DeleteYou and I think the same way. My goal is to improve and tell (show) a good story. :-)
ReplyDeleteAnna from Shout with Emaginette
I'm glad to here I'm not the only one. That's what I'm trying to do--tell the best story I can. That's the only thing I can control.
DeleteSelf improvement will translate into success if you stick with it. It's there for the taking if you learn, put yourself out there, and keep going. And if we can keep from comparing ourselves to others, we will save ourselves pointless stress, jealousy, and insecurity. If only it were as easy to do it as to say it!
ReplyDeleteAh, Kim, that's so true about it being easier to say it than do it. That's what I'm striving for anyway.
Deleteso glad i read this! coaches can be terrible (i'm very ready for baseball season to be over) and when my son was on a losing streak, i pointed out what he did that was terrific and when you're on a losing team, that's all you can do is try to improve yourself (tough year last year, better now!)
ReplyDeletethanks for this encouraging post! the world usually measures success in numbers, but writers can't. and shouldn't. and only writers understand!
and thanks for commenting on my broken branch falls blog tour!
Yes, I so agree about only other writers understanding. :) Who else would put them through all this? Thanks for stopping by, Tara!
DeleteImproving is a huge step. Also, writing like anything takes a lot of time and practice. Swimmers don't become star swimmers overnight.
ReplyDeleteI don't talk about my writing with everyone because I know some people who'll sound like a coach, and I might lose my cool with someone who doesn't understand publishing.
I'm with you, Medeia. I'm pretty guarded about who I talk to about my writing. I still have some friends who don't know I'm a writer too. Not many people who are not writers understand.
DeleteI love this philosophy! You know this is what I've been trying to teach my girls their their horse back riding: it's not about how you place with others, but how you improved from last time. But, I never thought to apply it to my writing and querying quite like this. This is incredibly encouraging - THANK YOU
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad this was helpful to you, Margo! I know when I read that post about getting better with each query round, it was like a light-bulb moment for me. It's so easy to get discouraged in this business.
Delete